Five Questions about Orthodox Jewish Romance with Heidi Shertok

The most basic definition of an Orthodox Jew is that they follow the commandments of the Torah; they observe the Jewish Sabbath and Jewish holidays, they eat kosher food, and they follow laws surrounding marital intimacy.

Yet, there’s more to Orthodox Judaism than that. It’s about living your life in accordance with laws that are ancient yet timeless and being connected to a higher power. Adhering to centuries-old laws in a world that prizes modernity and novelty isn’t easy. People outside the Orthodox Jewish community can’t or won’t understand how these laws give life more meaning and richness. As a result of ignorance, Orthodox Jews have become one of the most misunderstood groups on the planet.

Author Heidi Shertok’s books shed light on what it’s like to live and love as an Orthodox Jew. She shared her thoughts on Orthodox Jewish romance novels, the impact of Jew hatred on the publishing industry and her work, and how what she’s written resonates with her.

As an Orthodox Jewish romance writer, what do you hope that non-Orthodox Jews and/or non-Jewish readers come away with from your books?

I hope they come away feeling a little happier than they were before they opened the book—and a little surprised, too. I hope they leave thinking, “Wow, these Orthodox Jews are fun and wacky, and not at all like the typical dour and repressed Hollywood stereotype.”

In fact, one of the things my then–would-be agents said when I first met them was that they’d never seen a story where Orthodox Jews came across as normal. “Normal?” I echoed, confused. “You know, happy and funny,” they replied. “Lighthearted.”

To me, though, it felt as if they were saying, “We didn’t know people like you could be normal.” Not that I blame them—when all you ever see is one version of something or someone, it’s human to make assumptions. I think we’re all guilty of that. 

Every genre has rules, including romance. What would you say would be the rules for the sub-genre of Orthodox Jewish romance?

Great question—especially since this is very uncharted territory! I did feel that my characters had to follow a different set of guidelines, particularly in my first book, Unorthodox Love. My agents and editors thought it was important for my characters live in accordance with Jewish law—meaning no “naughty” scenes.

Naturally, I was disappointed. So, for my next book, I wrote a sex scene, thinking, “If they don’t like it, I’ll just take it out.” (Spoiler alert: They let me keep it. Ironically, though, I now regret writing it at all, given the backlash I received. But that’s a conversation for another time!)

How has the global rise in Jew hatred affected the publishing industry from your perspective?

After October 7, every Jewish author had a choice to make: do I stand up as a proud Jew and advocate for Israel, or do I play it safe and keep quiet?

For me, there was never a choice. There are so few of us in the world, and even fewer of us speaking up.

And sadly, here in Minneapolis, bookstores and libraries have turned into political stomping grounds. One public library had a pro-Palestinian sign until the local Jewish moms got together and insisted they remove it. And when Ilhan Omar was running for re-election, a local romance bookstore displayed her sign in their window—the very same politician who called for a ceasefire immediately after October 7, who compared Israel to the Taliban, and who infamously remarked: “It’s all about the Benjamins, baby.” 

Another indie bookstore put up a display table covered with—I kid you not—a keffiyeh for a tablecloth. On top of said table, are an array of books, pamphlets, magnets, pins, T-shirts—all of which demonize Israel and Zionists, and read like a playbook from 1930s Germany.  

How did October 7th impact your writing of Match Me If You Can?

For one thing, I discovered that it’s not easy to write a comedy when you’re depressed. And the emotional blows kept coming. Two of my friendships crumbled. My son—who wears a kippah and tzitzit—was getting harassed on his college campus.  I knew of Jewish- and Israeli-owned businesses that were forced to close down due to either hate crimes or loss of sales. The Anti-Defamation League reported a staggering 388 percent increase in hate crimes.

All in all, I was most definitely not in the right headspace to write a rom-com. And yet, I had to. It was a job, like any other.

I once heard author Rochelle Weinstein say something so wise that it stayed with me ever since: that authors have a responsibility to write society as they see it, but also as they wish it to be.

So, I did. I created a world where a religious Muslim and an Orthodox Jew were close friends—and not just close friends, but partners working together to protect Jews from hate crimes in New York City.

I made my hero the son of an Ethiopian Jewish woman who’d been rescued during the real-life Operation Moses carried out by the Mossad. Afterwards—to my utter delight and surprise—I discovered that my book was published in the fortieth anniversary year of the mission.

It also gave me the opportunity to dedicate a book in memory of the victims of October 7, as well as honor the Bibas brothers by naming my characters’ baby after them—Ariel and Kfir—in the epilogue.

In many ways, writing this book was my form of therapy. I’m so grateful I got to write it.

What is a quote from your work that resonates with you?

I love the last two lines in Match Me If You Can: “Love is always the answer. And it starts within you.”

So often, people are too hard on themselves. Women, in particular, carry an immense, unspoken burden of societal expectations: being the perfect wife, mother, career woman, friend, etc. But the truth is that no one can do it all.

We need to give ourselves more grace. That might look like letting the dishes pile up in the sink overnight, or letting your kids have extra screen time so you can call a friend. And that’s okay. You’re still amazing.

And the best part about learning to love yourself is that it enables you to be an even better wife, mom, friend, and so forth—because you’ll have even more love to give.

My author friend Jean Meltzer has one rule for our Facebook group, Jewish Women Talk About Romance Books, and she reminds us of it before every book club meeting: be kinder than necessary. And as I continue to discover via therapy, it’s a good rule to apply to ourselves as well!

You can visit Heidi’s website to purchase her books. She’s active on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and LinkedIn. She also has a Substack newsletter.